What Miss Evans never believed possible
by bad-wolf-bay
Summary: What would it take for Miss Evans to change her view of her most hated? What would it take in thier final year for her to fall in love for the story to happen?
1. Green eyes

Chapter 1. Green eyes.

His eyes are the same as hers, bright emerald green; they're the first thing you notice when you look at the too innocent but far too old face, they draw you in, make you feel safe.

You trust him before he utters a sound.

In the light when he looks at you, the warmth, the wisdom, the hope and courage is so strong it almost chokes you.

In the darkness, alone, another story is told. Tightly shut, the green light, a man pushing a woman up the stairs, the cupboard, the spiders, the belt, the fists, the feast he cooked, double head, basilisk, graveyard. All and more play like a film on the back of his eyelids, he can never escape.

In the dark, they open with a start; it's all but a nightmare, one he lives in.

Alone they show the pain, the suffering, the quilt, the secret. No one could ever put a finger on what made them uneasy, the haunted look they held would forever be misinterpreted.

Before they were his, they belonged to another. Those eyes couldn't be more different. They saw much the same pain; one felt it, one saw it. Her own pain started the day her own green eyes opened to the cruel world outside the womb. The day her mother died holding her newborn. That newborn would give birth to a hero.

Before the hero was a time of peace suddenly thrown into chaos. No one understanding the cause, so solution to stop it. Before the hero, a parent didn't know happiness. Like the hero they made a mask; cocky, arrogance. The mask became permanent. Who were they really? They didn't know.

Before the hero was Lily Evans and James Potter.

This is their story.

AN: ok here is the first chapter of my new story. J am writing the rest at the moment but it may take a while before I can update, but please tell me what you think this is all about, I'd love to hear peoples' interpretations of this so far.


	2. I Don't Understand

Chapter 2. I don't understand.

_Flashback._

_A large group of black haired people stood by a piller as a small muggle family huddled by the train door. The smallest girl with flaming red hair was being given a large hug and embarrassing kisses from her emotional father. Her older sister gave her a jealous look, in return she gave one of confusion._

_The eldest son of the group near them was being told off gently by his father about his behaviour, his mother blanked him, but when flashes came their way she was all over him. A tiny girl of only 5 or 6 clung to his leg, openly bawling at the very idea of him leaving her. All her could do was hug her, sooth her and hand her over to a scowling mother._

_Wrong words were spoken to him, kind and encouraging ones to her. Innocent and indecent kisses were given; hugs proper and indecent received. Siblings cried and glared as they were ushered onto the train and with a final whistle they were alone._

_The boy walked op to the girl and giving her a small smile her held out his hand._

'_Hello, I'm James Potter.'_

_The girl looked down at him past her nose to see a very small 11 year old dressed in very expensive robes. She would never have guessed by his voice that he was rich. She stared at his face and at the hand he was holding out. Small scars covered his almost hidden wrist and a red mark stood out on his neck, another larger line ran down across his face, ear to jaw. It was barley visible but if you looked very closely at first sight you would see it forever. _

_The girl wrinkled her nose at him; she didn't care about his status as her obviously didn't with all those scars he must have been acting so childish and not proper for a young man._

'_Lily Evans.' _

_She didn't take his hand, nor smile back. The boys own smile faded at the cold and snobby attitude of the redhead in front of him. He dropped his arm but not his gaze._

'_Are you a first year too?'_

'_Yes.'_

_She shrank away. She didn't want to be associated with him. She heard the threats from the woman holding the screaming child before the cameras were in their faces._

'_We can't be friends.'_

_She walked away. She didn't look back. If she had she would have seen ac rushed little boy who was only looking for a friend. He only wanted someone to talk to and play with. If she had gone to find him on the journey she would have seen the hurt in his eyes and the unconscious scratching of the scars over his face as if trying to erase them by peeling away the skin. She would have seen the thin watery streaks down his cheeks as he held onto a small toy stag and fawn tightly in his fist as he slept. _

_But she didn't. She forgot all about him until he pushed her in to the lake over the side of the boats._


	3. Something's not right

An: sorry its taken so long for me to update, but college had been a nightmare already. Anyway here's my longest chapter ever, hope you enjoy it.

Chapter 3. something's not right.

Lily Evans woke with a start, sitting bolt up right, gasping for breath; her urban hair sticking to her face, covered in sweat. She ran a thin bony hand through her matted hair and looked around her room while trying to bring her breathing under control.

Her room was the second largest bedroom in the 4 roomed Victorian house. Her parents had painted it a deep rich red before she was born; they had hated the traditional blues and pinks. A queen sized bed draped in expensive silk covers and hangings the same colour has her walls.

Opening her drapes, Lily saw that the housemaid Miranda had already been in and had opened the curtains covering her floor-ceiling French windows which lead onto the balcony of the 3rd floor. The same colour theme ran through Lily's room, with a dark ebony desk between the windows. 2 doors to the left led into the marble on suite bathroom and a walk in closet.

There was nothing on the walls like posters of boy bands or celebrities, no pictures of friends or relatives. Nothing in the room could tell a person that a soon to be 17 year old teenage girl lived in the room.

Before Lily could analyse the dream she had just woken from, her older sister Petunia Evans soon to be Dursley, burst into the room, not that this was unusual, but what was for her sister to be smiling.

'Good morning my dear sister'

At this Lily's mouth dropped, although she closed it quickly not letting her sister scold her for her lack of proper manners.

'What do you want Petty? And why are you so happy this early in the morning?'

Her sister just carried on smiling even being called 'Petty' obviously wasn't going to spoil her good mood.

'There's some woman downstairs to see you.'

And with that still smiling she left the room and while humming made her way back to her own room. Lily gaped at her for a few moments before dragging herself out of the bed to put on her dressing gown, not being bothered to get changed just yet.

Walking along the maze of corridors and stairs Lily wondered who the woman could be. Maybe she was here to tell her Hogwarts was closed due to the sheer amount of families attacked last year, many of her friend wouldn't be returning, they wanted to stay with their families, even though Hogwarts was the safest place to be. She was almost right; Professor McGonagall sat straight backed in the dark green sofas of the main living room.

'Professor!' she was Lily's favourite teacher mainly because she knew exactly how to keep James Potter under control, threaten with a Quidditch ban. She smiled at the memories of the leader of the Marauders closing his mouth so quick you heard his teeth hitting each other.

'Miss Evans, i'm sure you can guess as to why I am here?'

Before she could answer another woman came trough the door talking to her father. Lily turned and watched almost horrified at the woman, dressed in full wizarding robes that almost sparkled in the light. The woman was far too familiar to Lily.

'. . . and if any of the bad guys tried to get into the ground or house an alarm will go off at our offices and we will get here using a portkey specially designed so only auros can get in to protect you. Is that ok?'

'That's fine, thank you for doing all this Mrs. Potter, it seems all a waste on us non magic folk.'

'Oh no it's no problem at all and it is most certainly not a waste, we have hundreds of muggleborn families using this service, it's not just the people who can use magic that are at risk Mr. Evans. You need protecting too.'

'Thank you again Mrs. Potter. Ah here is my daughter Lily.'

Lily was frozen in shock. This was not happening. James Potter's mother was not standing in front of her. She shook her head slightly and plastered a smile on her face and curtseyed to the older woman who did the same back.

'It's a pleasure to meet you Mrs. Potter.'

'Oh no my dear it's all mine you are all that James talks about.'

Lily tried not to scowl at the image of him sitting in his kitchen telling his parents all about her. Instead she smiled slightly. They both sat opposite Professor McGonagall and Miranda served tea. After a few minuets of pointless chit chat the sever woman turned to her star pupil.

'Miss. Evans I must be frank here, unless we have at least half of the student coming back to Hogwarts this year it will close. This is to be your final year; it's the most important before you go into the adult magical community. Will you be returning on September 1st?'

There was no hesitation; she knew where she belonged, as did her father.

'Yes.'

Her head of house smiled a very rare sight to anybody.

'Wonderful. Then I have great pleasure in telling you, you will be head girl this year. Now as to the head boy, I know you do not get along, but i'm hoping that will change this year, he is not all bad, he can be very charming when he's not amongst the females of the student population! Albus has chosen Mr. Potter –'

'WHAT?'

Lily turned in shock to Mrs. Potter who had shouted out. Lily had been too shocked to speak.

'Minerva really, you have to be joking, I mean this is James. When has he ever done anything to help someone else? He's incredibly irresponsible and can't look after himself let alone the rest of the students. You've seen all the cuts he manages to get over the year from doing heaven knows what; please get Albus to change his mind!'

Neither of the other women could understand why this woman was so against her son being head boy. Wouldn't a parent be proud of their child's accomplishments; not forbidding them to get any. Lily looked to Minerva and saw a look she had never seen before on her Professors face, it was almost a motherly sort of look but then it changed to anger before becoming neutral.

'I'm sorry Lucy, there is nothing I can do, its final and Albus doesn't change his mind easily. He thinks James is up for the job, and you never know this may teach him to take responsibility for his actions and if he is to ever become and Auror he needs some sort of experience in looking over large amounts of people. Anyway he wont be on his own he'll be helping Miss. Evans here and she him.'

Mrs. Potter looked like she had been slapped but she too regained her composer. She stood up and brushed down her robes which had a symbol of a phoenix on the right.

'Right, well then, I better be off, I'll need to be checking in back at the Ministry and Harold needs to be having dinner early tonight. See you soon then Minerva. Miss Evans.'

The women bowed to each other once more and she left. Lily turned to her favourite teacher and said the first thing that came to mind.

'She looks way too much like her son.'

Lily was still unnerved when she was getting changed to go to Diagon Alley a few days later. After Mrs. Potter had left, she had had a long talk with McGonagall and found out that the older witch was very worried about James. She had been round at the Potter estate a few times over the summer, had had been going there since before James was born, but this summer she hadn't seen anything of him not even any of his Hogwarts things around the house, it was like he had just disappeared. Neither of the elder Potters seemed worried although James's sister had been scowling at them most of the time Minerva had been there. She was due to start Hogwarts this year. Minerva hadn't been able to talk to James about returning but had to talk to his parents who had been very . . . enthusiastic about his return to the school.

Lily brushed her hair and didn't realise she was brushing the same bit over and over, she was too wrapped up in the memory of the stern and solid women who had been in such turmoil over what was happening and why the prankster hadn't been seen all summer. She hadn't visited the other Marauders yet but Minerva McGonagall was worried and that unnerved Lily.

She was still scowling at the memory as she walked through the crowed street trying to find any sign of her friends and get all her supplies for her last year at Hogwarts. After giving up any hope of seeing her friends today and feeling a little claustrophobic she went to get an ice cream and just as she sat down at the only free table, she heard the unmistakable voices of the other Marauders from behind her. Rolling her eyes in exasperation and not feeling up to having an argument with any of them, she slid down in her seat and closed her eyes enjoying her ice cream, and planned on drowning out the laughter and the mischief making planning they were no doubt doing. But when none of that could be heard Lily frowned, what was going on? She strained her ear in an attempt to hear who she thought was Black speaking.

'. . . Haven't heard anything from him. McGonagall was round yesterday and even she seemed worried. I mean she's on really good terms with the Potters and she hasn't seen him either. Melissa's been owling me asking if I've seen him. Apparently neither of his parents is worried.'

Lily stopped licking her ice cream and turned around to stare at the prankster and womaniser Sirius Black. Without thinking and not caring about her status she said

'When the hell did you get so serious?'

The boys turned around sharply and they too stared at her. Their eyes widened as they all took a look at each other. Everyone seemed to be paler than normal and had circles under their eyes. Worry etched their faces, even Lily's and she couldn't stand the sight of their leader. Sirius narrowed his eyes at her. He looked the worst out of the lot. He had obviously lost weight and he could barley keep himself upright with either tiredness or lack of food, or both.

'What do you care Evans. The arrogant pig-headed git as you put him is out of your life so leave it. It's got noting to do with you so bugger off and leave us alone.'

And with that he stormed off and disappeared in the crowd. Lily looked back to the other two boys.

'I didn't mean to –'

'Look lily it's ok, just leave it. He's just really worried. We all are.'

The most sensible Marauder Remus Lupin spoke to her gently knowing all to well that her temper could rise from nil to exploding in a matter of seconds and tried to make sure that didn't happen.

Lily started to think. Something was certainly not right, that much was obvious especially if the Marauders hadn't heard anything and they were closer than brothers, they had a bond that couldn't be broken. She thought of Voldemort and then of the Potters who had been opening going against the feared Wizard. What if he had James? What if Mr and Mrs Potter were under the imperious curse? What if they weren't and Voldemort still had James?

Stopping her mind running away with her, she turned back to Remus and she remembered when she first met James Potter, when he pushed her into the lake, when the boy's around her had laughed, at the pain etched upon his young face all through the year when he tough no one was looking. She may not like him but she knew something was wrong and not just this summer. She remembered the dream she had of their 'first meeting'; she remembered Mrs. Potters response to hearing her son was head boy; she remembered the words spoken to him before he boarded the Hogwarts express 6 years ago.

'I'll help you find him.'


	4. No one will guess

**Shadowmoony: well I'm glad you like it. It's probably the best thing I wrote apart from he was supposed to, but poetic? Never thought of it like that. Thanks for that.**

**Speckled Bird: well here is another update. Trying to get them up quickly, just for you! The scars . . . yeah. . .drama!**

**Starlover88: glad you do and here it is!**

Chapter 4. No one will guess.

In the dark a candle flickered.

In his pain a quill dripped.

In his head the voices fought.

In his body the other came.

In the corner she pleaded.

In his eyes the pain was hidden.

In his sleep her angry voice laughed at him.

In his reality the nightmare was real.

In his eyes the secret was held.

In their confusion the haunted look not seen.

Behind the mask he hid.

Before the brothers he was someone else.

He cried as she cried.

He winced as he came again and again.

He froze at the footsteps.

He came and left.

She was left against the outside.

Another entered.

A crack.

A cry.

Another.

The pain.

A threat.

Yes. . .

. . .no one would know about this.

They wouldn't even guess.


	5. Orian Eevans

Chapter 5. Orian Eevans.

3 days. 3 days searching. 3 days writing. 3 days of pain.

The last 3 days were forgotten as they walked home, their minds blank. Shock filled them, betrayal hurt them.

Nothing had made sense; no one knew what had happened. No one was worried. _'Oh don't worry he does this all the time, he'll turn up.' _He never did and for good reason too. But they didn't know. He never told them. He never trusted them to keep the secret. Well it was obvious why she didn't know she hated him but not now. She didn't know how she felt right now. Numb, shocked, appalled.

It was on the 3rd day at Remus' house where they all met up and decide what to do. It had been his older brother Romollus who had given them the only spark of hope. It was by accident. He'd been on the phone to a mate and had been talking about a band that was playing at the biggest club in town. They hadn't meant to eavesdrop; Romollus didn't mind he even put it on speakerphone so they could all hear it. He had hung up and smiled at them weakly.

'I might have found your friend. This guy is the lead singer of 'Death can't help me' and he's recently come back from boarding school. No idea what he looks like but I think he quite tall at least, he was fighting off all the girls last week at the gig then. Apart from that all I know is his name.'

With that he just shrugged and walked upstairs. Looking at Remus, who also shrugged at his brothers' behaviour, they all shared a look and sat down.

'WELL WHAT THE HELL IS HIS NAME THEN?'

Everyone jumped and a crash was heard from the kitchen and Remus' mother scolding him for shouting inside. Lily stared at Remus, he was the quite one and as far as Lily knew he didn't have a temper so the sudden outburst shook her safety bubble. She didn't know what was going on recently. She just wanted things to go back to normal. Not likely with the Marauders.

Romollus came back downstairs also staring at his brother in shock and worry. He leaned over the banister not wanting to come any closer.

'All it said on the posters 'bout him was his name, 'Orian Eevans' or something like that anyway. He what's up with him?'

He pointed to Sirius who had goner deathly pale and was shaking slightly. Lily being closest to him put a hand on his arm and shook him.

'Black?. . .Black? Oh this is stupid, BLACK?'

Sirius turned to look at her and raised a hand to his cheek where she had just slapped him. Colour returned to his face but his expression didn't change. Then just as suddenly as it had occurred it was gone, along with him.

Peter and Remus groaned and Remus let out a long stream of cures, most of it aimed at James. Lily was confused, the guy had only apparated he might have had a sudden brain wave and it had hurt him or something. She still was still acting cold towards them though not as much as a week ago.

'What just happened?' she asked Peter because Remus was still cursing his missing friend to high heaven and in his mood it was probably best for James to stay hidden. Romollus had hidden upstairs again as in his tempter Remus was accidentally breaking things and the light had stated shaking. Rachel Lupin was trying to get near enough to her youngest son to calm him down while Peter explained.

'We all came up with stupid names for ourselves, not nicknames' he added seeing the look on her face, 'actual names, a name that meant something to us and that only we would know. It was a weird thing we did when we were really young, we hadn't even started Hogwarts **(in this they've known each other most their lives)** it wasn't something we thought about. Then when we stared Hogwarts we chose a surname.'

Putting two and two together

'Orian Eevans is James then I take it?'

Peter just nodded.

'Yup, I can't tell you why so don't ask. When Padfoot is upset or angry he will always go off and out of school he will disappear for a few hours until he's calmed down. You may not have noticed but he has a really bad temper, not as bad as James' but Blacks are known for being violent and Padfoot refuses to let himself get into such a stare that he wont' be able to stop himself doing something he'll regret for the rest of his life. Why do you think he laughs so much and doesn't take life seriously? He has his reasons so just put aside everything you think you know about us cos you really don't have anything on us. You can't really hate James as you calm to do because how can you hate someone when you know nothing about them. Everyone has their reasons for doing what they do. They may not be the right reasons but they don't do it for the sheer hell of it Miss Evans.'

She just stared, tears threatened to fall before she too left.


	6. What she wanted

AN: ok im bad and didn't update for ages so I thought I'd give you these two at once. This once im quite proud about and sorry about those that are a bit confusing but hopefully it'll become a bit clearer.

Chapter 6. What she wanted.

Lily stared at her reflection in horror. She hated it, but it was either wear it or get beaten up for being a prissy stuck up cow trying to be cool. So she had worn it. Seeing something else in the mirror she turned around and saw all 3 boys standing in the doorway all dressed fully in their gothic cloths. She never knew they even knew what a Goth was as they were all pure bloods. Well she was certainly learning new things everyday about that lot. She stared at Black and he looked worse than yesterday. He had been found in the early hours of the morning drinking go knows what in a dark alleyway. No one knew how he got there or what he had done before hand. It hadn't mattered, they were all just glad he was alive and ok, there had been too many Death Eater attacks recently. His make up and piercing only made him look worse and a lot more frightening than he really was. Remus and Peter too had piercing though real ones not like the fake one Rowena Remus' little sister had made her have. All the cloths she was currently wearing had been charmed by the older Lupin child to fit Lily even though she was slightly taller than the younger girl.

Her stiff blue skirt and plain white blouse and blue cardigan complimented by blue kitten heels had been ripped off her body and replaced with a very tight black corset showing off her bust. Already she hated it. A transparent top covered it and the sleeves covered her hands. A mini red and black tartan skirt clung to her hips and thighs and barley covered her backside. Belts and chains adorned her hips, wrists and neck. Her hair had been taken out of its usual tight French twist and had been charmed black! And hung halfway down her back loose. Her nose, lip and tongue had been pierced along with all up her ears, black make up made her almost as pale as the boys and the knee high boots that had been pushed onto her size 4 feet had to be charmed so she could actually walk they were so heavy. Studs, spike and metal covered them, Lily though she could really cause some damage with them if only she could life them to do so.

All throughout the make over lily asked herself why she was doing this and then she remembered what Peter had said to her the night before. She had never heard him speak so much at once before and nothing like what he had said.

'Ready?'

She looked up at the face of Sirius Black and she could see the hope in his eyes that this guy was his best friend and brother. She saw the worry and loneliness he was obviously feeling, the too boys had been friends for as long as they could remember. How they had managed it no one knew, as it was a well known fact that the Potters and Blacks didn't get along, just like other 'light' and 'dark' pure blooded families.

'Let's go.'

She didn't complain as they made her walk in the middle. She knew they were being protective even if they didn't' really like each other. No one spoke as they walked the mile to the club in the centre of town. They could hear the music pumping out of the club half way down the street, the ground vibrating beneath their feet. Taking a deep breath they walked past the bouncers not even glancing at them. The noise almost blew lily over it was the loudest place she had ever been and she wasn't sure what she was to do. Sure she was muggleborn but she had never been to a nightclub, it wasn't the thing to do, not for her anyway.

She glanced to the middle where a large gap was and was horrified to see everyone running at someone on the other side and purposely bashing in to them and when one did it the whole lot did it. Her gasp went unheard when a young teenage girl was pushed to the ground, lily was sure she was going to be crushed, but her eyes widened in surprise as everyone stopped looked at the girl and rushed to her side and helped her up, as soon as she was stable again the whole thing stated again.

'What is that?'

Even by screaming in his ear Remus still had a hard time hearing her, but with the full moon only a few days away it wasn't much trouble.

'Moshe pit!' he too had to shout at her. She just looked confused.

'What!'

He shook his head but pointed to Peter and Sirius who were already in the fray. She winced as Peter was elbowed in the face and raised her eyebrows when he gave the thumbs up to his friend.

The thumping of the beat and the vibrations were making her quite sick but the next song that came on soon caught her attention. Not really listening to the words she was surprised when she heard Remus growl next to her. Glancing to her right she saw him trying very hard not to run to the stage and punch the lights out of the guy standing there. She couldn't see him but she recognized the voice anywhere.

Almost.

The first verse rushed over her, but the harsh voice of the chorus made her wince, he was so different,

'**. . .Everything you say to me**

**Takes me one step closer to the edge**

**And I'm about to break**

**I need a little room to breathe**

**Cause I'm stepping one step closer to the edge**

**And I'm about to break'**

She didn't hear the rest. She hadn't realised she had moved away from Remus and towards the stage.

Soon without realizing it she was standing right at the front looking up at the prankster who made her so mad she literally screamed at him in fury, the boy who she said she'd rather date the giant squid than him. She stared into the face of James Potter and she didn't see the sparkle that was always there in his hazel eyes that made him look permanently amused, there was the smile that made most girls fall to his feet and beg to be even glanced at, even though they knew their hearts would be broken. There wasn't the air of superiority he always carried with him, with his shoulders back and his head held high not giving a damn about what anyone said about him.

Instead she saw dead eyes, eyes that looked through you not really seeing you. The sparkle was gone in its place a look that made her whimper. He looked like he had given up. On what she had no idea. Why, even less. The smile was fixed, fake yet looked familiar. His shoulders slumped forward, he leaned with them over the mike. His voice was harsh and hoarse. He sounded like he hadn't spoken in weeks. Leaning forward again his black shirt slipped off his shoulder.

Not caring about the hundreds of people behind her, forgetting about the make up covering her face, she cried at the sight of the boy she had refused all those years before. Was this why she had been dreaming of the hopeful 11 year only wanting to be her friend. She remembered when she fell in the lake and she saw his face he hadn't been laughing nor smiling, he looked pained. She wanted to make that look go away, right at that moment all she wanted was for him to chase her after her shouting at him and ask her out to the next Hogsmead weekend, she wanted to see the Slytherins dance and sing all breakfast, she wanted to see her head of house storming down the great hall shouting

'POTTER!BLACK!MY OFFICE NOW!'

She wanted to see his cocky smile, see the girl flutter their eyelashes. She wanted anything but to see that broken and lost boy up on stage singing not knowing his friends had been worried sick about him, not knowing his mother didn't care about him. What was happening to that unbreakable bond. Why was she suddenly caring what happened.

All she wanted was for thing so be normal, if that was even possible.

What would Miss Evans give for not knowing what had happened to the man who was indestructible.


	7. Marauders shock Part one

**AN: Wow. 319 hits but only 9 reviews? Ok even if you guys hate this just tell me and ill try and make it better, just leave a hint on how you want it, I mean you are the onres reading it im just writing it. Anyway sory for taking so long but loads of mocks were thrown at us at college and life in general had been bad so writing was bad and just its not been good, but all better now and ill really try and get updates up quicker especially since I break up on Friday so more free time . yay! **

**13 DAYS TILL XMAS!**

**Anyway, on with the story. This part is in 3 parts just cos its feels better being in 3 chapters instead of 1. Weird? It's me. They're looking back on seeing James.**

Chapter 7. Marauders Shock.

What can I say? It was James. My best friend. My brother. He was up there his hoarce voice grating on my soul when I finally realised it was him.

I first say Evans walk away from Moony who hadn't moved from the top balcony by the door. I couldn't read her face. I wished I could but im not good at all that stuff, only with the Marauders. But they're different. I saw her eyes fixed on the stage, tears falling unchecked. What the hell was making Lily Marie Evans burst into tears in a public place, forget that what was making her cry in the first place. There was one thing I had never seen and that was Miss Evans cry. It just wasn't done according to her. This being one of the reasons she had the nickname ' Fire of Ice'. I was almost going to laugh at her to use this against her back at school, but then I looked at what she was staring at. At what was making her cry.

My blood froze. I forgot the peope pushing past me. I didn't feel Peter push me away to the side before someone could knock me off my feet. I only saw him.

The pale, yellowish skin stretched over his skull. Messy jet black hair now limp and hanging loose round his chin. He was tall 6"4 or 5 but he had never been lankey, he was naturally fit and very good looking and Quidditch had helped with that over the years. But now his cloths drowned him. Black sacks of loth covered his tall pile of bones. I could only think of a lollipop of how the top was way too big for the stick. That was what my brother looked like. His head too big for his frail looking body. Skeletal hands gripped the microphone and even that took effort if the shaking of his hands were to go by.

But there was one thing that struck me. That scared me. His eyes. Dead eyes looking THROUGH the crowed, not AT anybody. Normally no matter what happened to him, no matter what someone said, Lily could kill his ego for the rest of his life but his large hazel eyes would always hold the same happiness of life. Just the way old Dumbledore had that damn twinkle in his blue eyes; James would still have that michevious glint. Trouble was brewing with that glint and we all knew to stay on his good side when that was around. Even I felt sorry for Snape after being on the receiving end of a prank by James who had been rather pleased for some reason. But I didn't see that. Thte glint was gone.

'**I walk a lonely road**

**The only one that I have ever known**

**Don't know where it goes**

**But its home to me and I walk alone.'**

So was his love of life. I didn't see the smile that proved his was OK. The smile that said James Potter is back and waiting for the next girl, the next prank. The next laugh. There was no smile this time.

I didn't know what had happened to my brother. Nothing was making sense.

But I thing I did know, nothing was going to be the same.

Ever.

Padfoot.


	8. Part 2

Chapter 8. Part 2.

I almost wished it wasn't him. I prayed to an non sympathetic God who had left me when I needed him the most.

There he was. I was seeing him with my own eyes. It was him. But then it wasn't. The James Potter I knew was full of life, forever laughing, and joking, living life to the full not caring bout the outside world. We didn't need to worry about that. We were still kids. We were safe away from the deaths and chaos in the safety of the Hogwarts wards and grounds. We'd be adults when we needed to be. Not now.

Girls threw themselves at him. They literally fell at his feet as he walked down the corridors. It was hilarious to see him blush in the safety of our dorm where no girls could beg to marry him and fling knickers and bras at him. He did encourage them. No one minded but Lily. He looked after any girlfriend he had, she couldn't fault him on that. Everyone knew he was looking for a relationship and not just a few expeditions to a broom cupboard.

It looked like he had been neglecting himself let alone any women. It had only been 6 weeks since I had last seen him; healthy and the same old James. But now I didn't know who James was anymore. The bony being up on stage wasn't my best friend.

His shirt slipped. Skin was barley healing. That would be the stench only I could smell. I only hoped the smell of blood was not from him. Other smell had assaulted me the moment I was inside and it wasn't the sweat from all the crazed up teenagers in the building. It was something else; something I had never smelt before and hoped to god I would never again. It was mixed with blood and sweat. A wave of tears and pain flooded over me. Cried filled my ears, grunts and screams burned in my head. Blank eyes stared at me pleading.

Then it was gone. The smell refused to go. My 16 year old brain refused to comprehend what had happened and the smell.

'**I gotta make my escape**

**But I can't stop thinking of you**

**And I never saw the sudden curve until its way too late**

**I never saw the sudden curve until its way too late**

**Then I'm dying at the bottom of a bit in the blazing sun**

**Torn and twisted at the foot of a burning bike . . .'**

I hoped he hadn't. My imagination ran wild. I was too confused. I only wanted my best friend back.

Moony


	9. Part 3

Chapter 9. Part 3.

I wasn't really that surprised when he disappeared. I mean he goes away for 3 weeks every summer with his dad. The only thing that was different this summer was no one was allowed to the Potter Manor let alone within 3 miles of the forest that surrounds it.

Everybody was just overreacting. James disappears all the time at school and no one notices or cares. God knows where he goes but he can be gone for hours at a time. I'm the only one who knows why and I'm not telling them. Siri and Rem think he just goes to sulk about not being with Lily Evans. Well that's partly true. He runs away to be himself. Maybe going into the forest. Even James needs to be away from the limelight of being Hogwarts most sought after guy. Anyway he always comes back before most people notice he's been gone.

Although the shock of seeing him up there was just a blow to me as to them. I just wasn't as surprised to see him. I had to get out of the mass of people to see him probably and Sirius had to be pulled out or he would have got trampled. His eyes never leaving the stage. Remus wasn't much better. Leaning on the railing, his knuckles white, but blank faced. I had no idea where Lily Evans was. His voice hurt my ears, I cringed. At that point the only thing I wanted to hear was his laughter coming from the Great Hall at breakfast after pulling a midnight prank on the Slytherins.

'**Ain't it fun when you're always on the run**

**Ain't it fun when you're friends despise what you become**

**Ain't it fun when you get so high, well that you, you just can't come**

**Ain't it fun when you know you're gonna die young**

**Ain't it fun when you take care of number one**

**Oh ain't it fun when you feel you gotta get a gun.'**

I watched as he moved so slightly no one could see.

I watched as a look of pain passed his face as he moved his legs.

I frowned at his bent back.

I threw up at the sight of peeling, half healing skin.

I didn't think he knew his way back.

Wormtail.


	10. The Aftermarth

**AN, ok rubber ducky 9 ( I love that!) and firewalker – here you go another update. Ill try and get them up pretty quick just for you.**

**Semi-crazywithalittlewierdness –thanks for that.**

**Lost-in-NYC – wow, crying? Cos its so bad? Really its not that good. And thanks for that ive changed it now.**

**Shadow moony and speckled bird –just thanks for the reviews, keep em comin!**

**732 hits! And 14 reviews. Come on really if you don't like it tell me! Or if you just want to say good, bad, made me cry, whatever. Anyway I forgot I didn't put what the songs were in the 3 parts so here they are, **

**Part 1, boulevard of broken dreams by greenday**

**Part 2, bat out of hell by meatloaf (bat out of hell 1)**

**Part 3, ain't it fun by guns and roses.**

Chapter 10. Lily's' Galore.

It had been a tough few days since they had seen James. They had hardly spoken a word and Sirius had refused to leave the room he was sharing with Peter. Said Marauder reported that he wasn't sleeping and was sitting by the window staring at the endless sheets of water pounding the pains of glass. Lily had gone home the morning after and hadn't reappeared till now. Remus went out early morning before the sun had risen and didn't return till way after dark.

After four solid days of this, Remus' whole family soon blew a fuse. No one knew what had happened. Lily had finally arrived back and within minuets had achieved what everyone had been tying to do for days, and get Peter to have a normal conversation not based on one word answers. Although Sirius still hadn't come out and Remus wasn't home yet. When he did come back at nine he found Lily and Peter playing wizards' chess. Rowena seeing her brother home soaking wet; frowned; rolled her yes; took a deep breath; and screamed.

'THAT'S IT! ALL OF YOU ARE HER NOW GET IN THE LIVING ROOM **NOW**! REMUS GET DRY. SIRIUS ORIAN BLACK GET YOUR BLOODY SORE ARSE DOWN HERE BEFORE I REMOVE IT!'

Within minuets everybody was in the living room waiting for Sirius to be able to move again, looking rather uncomfortable in each other company. Romulus leaned on the door frame frowning.

'Talk'

They could only stare as he closed the door behind him and cast a very complicated locking charm ion it.

Peter seeming the least effected by their 'discovery' took the first shot at talking.

'What do we do now?'

Lily looked to Remus hopelessly and shrugged. What could they do? Sirius just stared ahead of him, not really seeing the family portrait above the fireplace.

'We could go back. I mean they've been performing all week and tonight is their final gig before they go to Ireland.'

Remus looked at Peter, his hair still wet, his skin pale from the cold, his eyes wide a small smile gracing his lips.

'That's great. He won't be able to ignore us if we're the only ones there.'

Lily was looking between the two as if they were crazy. Breaking into a club that isn't actually open just to see Potter was beyond her, but she tried to look past that and see it from their point of view and found herself almost agreeing with them. And then automatically mentally scolded herself.

A sudden chuckle from behind her made them all look round. The chuckle turned to a laugh, which before long was full blown hysterics. They all looked on concerned as Sirius Black rolled around on the floor, tears falling down his face, mouth wide open and not making a sound. It was almost 10 minutes before he could control himself. He tried to sit up but hissed in pain holding his stomach and side. Instead lying down he glanced at Peter.

'You really think we could get back into the club that is closed off to everyone but the band, see if . . . **_he's _**. . . there which he might not, speak to him before he either runs away or obliviates(sp?) us and get him to talk?'

Peter nodded completely serious.

'Let's do it.'


	11. Sudden Changes

**AN: wow, I love you guys! **

**Firewalker32: yeah he's the only one cos if James had a secret everyone would think he would tell Sirius cos he's his bestest mate, and he just isn't very observant. But with peter I though cos he's quite and they don't really pay him that much attention he would see things others don't, if that makes any sense. It does to me anyway!**

**Semi-crazywithalittleweirdness: wow, thanks. Urm one thing confused me 'cannon?' sorry not used to all the weird word of fan fiction yet. And here's your update.**

**Rubber ducky 9: first thing wot are candy cones? I'm British so that may be why I have no idea what they are. Parent are evil with chores, my dads the same. Urgh parents!**

**Anonymous me: I love your reviews, thank you. You wouldn't be a star wars fan would you? Or just know the theme tune?**

**Evillittlevamp: well here's more for now, you will get more.**

**Anastasia: wot did you find confusing?**

**Thank you to everyone who's been reviewing I'm loving you all. Here's another chap for you.**

Chapter 11. Sudden Changes.

Crazy, this was complete madness. They had all sleep in the living room due to Romulus not believing they had all finished talking. He had only let them out when Sirius had been singing white Christmas for 3 solid hours. They were now walking back to the club, Sirius was practically running to get there and Remus seemed just as eager as his best friend. Peter on the other hand seemed unsure about all this now.

Lily now back in her normal but slightly altered cloths now consisting of a hipster blue mini skirt and a white tank top with trainers in the summer heat. She slowed down to walk with Peter and for a few minutes they watched Remus power walking to catch up with Sirius.

'This was your idea you know.'

Peter just sighed.

'I know. But they don't normally listen to me. My ideas aren't considered. They just nod and smile and promptly forget about it. I didn't even think they would listen to me let alone act on my idea.'

'Why are you so against it? James is your best friend. Don't you want to find out where he's been? I mean you guys have been worried sick all summer. Now you're chickening out?'

'I'm not. I know who James is thank you very much and I also know he likes being on his own sometimes. But you just can't get that at Hogwarts, especially if you're James Potter. I don't blame him for wanting to me on his own for a few weeks, he won't be able to get it back at school. He likes his privacy. I just think that we're gonna push him away instead of letting him deal with whatever it is and then coming back to us.'

Lily stopped and stared at Peter. The usual quite stuttering boy was suddenly. . . different. There wasn't any other way of putting it. He was more confident when he spoke and he knew things that lily was sure neither Remus nor Sirius knew.

Realizing she had been left behind she ran to keep up with the boys and almost ran straight into them as they stopped dead. Looking through their elbows Lily could see why.

James was outside the club, again all in black despite the heat wave, leaning on the all with a fag in one hand, and a girl standing next to him. Beautiful and scary would be the only two words to describe her. Her hair looked like a piece of art. Either naturally or not it hung in long ringlets from ear to waist, not a strand out of place. Bright red clips of skulls littered her obviously dyed dark green hair. A heart shaped face could just be seen through her curls. Large yet elegant piercing blue eyes stayed fixed on whatever James was saying. Her mascara and thick eyeliner drawing attention to the cold depths of water. Her lips could have been beautiful had they not been black and laced with piercings'. One in her lip was linked to her nose and one in her left ear. She was dressed much the same as Lily the other night, but was showing much more skin. Her piercings' and tattoos of peeling skin, skulls, blood, and sword naming a few were all real.

James leaned over to kiss her cheek. She smiled a talked away but turned around quickly forgetting something.

'Leave the door ajar will you. You guys won't hear that bloody crap bell.'

Without waiting for a reply she walked away again. James chuckled and finished his cigarette, flicking it away and walking back inside rubbing his shoulder. Everyone had seen what was now hidden beneath the black cloth.

Lily stood up with her hands on her hips as they all just stood there. Scowling at their backs.

'Well what are we waiting for? Are we going in or not?'

Her snappy tone woke them up as they jumped and turned around to se her.

'Yeah, just wait a minute.'

Sirius stood up to his full height of 6"3 and took deep breaths trying to calm himself down.

'Here goes nothing.'

**AN: wow, over 1200 hits, anyone reading please whatever you think of it press that little button in the corner and write it down, and ill try and do something about it if you say something you think I should do or change.**

**Thanks.**


	12. Lily?

AN: semi-crazywithalittleweirdness: yeah that is wishing a bit much im afraid!

Evillittlevampy: my god are you trying to make me cry here? Thanks you so much for your review. I actually let my dad read the first chapter of this and that's the first thing he said as well. That's the most complimentary review ive ever had so thank you again. 

Ok now I've sued up all the tissues in my house, here's the chap. 

Chapter 12. Lily?

Both Sirius and Lily made to move towards the now quite club but Remus pulled them back taking a carefully rolled up silvery cloak from his inside pocket. Sirius smiled and chuckled to himself and shaking his head put the cloak over himself and vanished. Lily almost screamed but Peter put his hand over her mouth in time. Starting to hyperventilate even though she knew it must be magic; her muggle side screamed that it was impossible to just disappear. Remus quickly explained that it was an invisibility cloak and she was to tell no one, whether she remembered agreeing later would be another matter. Pulling her under the cloak and calming her quickly they slowly made their way to the slightly ajar door.

They crept through the door leaving it wider than it was before and cursing when it squeaked. No one heard. Inside the entire place was pitch black and coming from the bright sunlight outside didn't help matters. The only light in the seemingly empty place were the stage lights, even though that too was empty of human life.

The sound of laughter made them all jump. Looking for the noise they could just see James walking away from the stage toward where they remembered the bar was. Being extra careful to be quite on the metal steps, they made their way down to the dance floor level. Sitting on a stool not far away was James looking just as bad as before if not worse. There were 2 more cuts on his face running down his right cheek. He leaned on the bar a small glass of firewhiskey if the bottle was to go by, in front of him. His fingers unconsciously running round the rim of the glass. Another boy appeared as the group sat down on a surprisingly clean floor, still under the cloak. (Remus' mother had fussed and had insisted on enlarging the cloak for them). The boy looked to be slightly younger than James, his light brown hair hung in his eyes, his round almost plump face and blue eyes all seemed so familiar to Lily.

'What are you gonna do?'

The boy stopped the cleaning of the glass he was repeating and stared hard at James.

'What can I do Jay? I can't go home, but he finds me anyway and if I go home it will just get worse. I can't go to my friends cos they'll find out with the state I'm in'

Everyone under the cloak was either seething with anger or nodding their heads at Jays mutterings, 'hit him back.' 'Is that a bad thing?'.

'I want to go home just to get Melissa Luke and Leanne out of that house. I mean they're triplets if one goes they all go. **She **won't do it. And I've still got another year at Hogwarts. The only other option would be to not go back to Hogwarts in September.'

Jay frowned and looked furious.

'There is no way in hell or not going back there. You – will – go – back – to – Hogwarts! Do I make myself clear? Anyway, the trips will be going to Hogwarts themselves this year wont they? And if you didn't go back, what would you tell your friends?'

James sighed. He never looked at his friend but stared at the glass. He took a big glug and tried to speak.

'I don't know jay, I don't know what to do. Not anymore.'

Jay looked worriedly at his companion and then jumped dropping the glass but continued to smile widely at James who jumped up and away from the sudden noise as if electrocuted and stared wide eyed at the other guy. Still jumping with excitement Jay spoke.

'That lily girl you're always going no about. In your letter didn't it have her address so you could find her about Head Duties or something? Maybe she could help. I men ashes not a friend and I doubt she would tell your boys.'

James looked at him as if he was completely nutters and this was the final straw.

'Jay, I'm the heir to the Potter fortunes. I'm the heir to Godric Gryffindor. My family is the richest in Britain next to the Blacks and Malfoys. We are the peoples hope in this war. We're the picture of the perfect family in a time of crisis. We're the picture of a family surviving and leading a normal life. People idolize my family. I can't just go up to her and say I need help for me and 3 siblings. She hates me, let alone anymore kids from my family. How can I shatter the perfect illusion that hides a hideous truth?'

Jay suddenly looked furious.

'Who cares about the bloody illusion? What happens to you and no doubt them as well is just sick beyond belief. It's unbelievable that they've got away with this for so long. Go to your friends, they know yo –'

'Do they real –'

'Yes, they know a side of –'

'A side that is completely differ –'

'They love you –'

'They'll hate me –'

'They'll help you if you let th –'

'They'll disown me –'

'—help you –'

' – don't want –'

'STOP BEING SO BLOODY STUBBORN –'

'JAMES RAYMOND POTTER!'

Both boys stopped dead in their heated argument at the voice coming through the door above. James stared at Jay pleading with him with his eyes. The fear in them was making even Lily's heart clench.

'Help me!' he mouthed continuously as footsteps echoed loudly down the metal steps. The invisible group moved a few feet into the shadows as a girl marched forwards.

The girl was furious, and looked exactly like James, with no glasses. Messy black hair like his that stuck up at the back was longer and up in a ponytail. Hazel eyes narrows in anger. Her posture; tense ready to pounce. Steady hands clench on her narrow hips, glaring at who could only be her brother.

James refused to look at her but stood up and stared at his feet, wringing his hands nervously.

'What are you doing here?'

They couldn't hear what he said but the girl did.

'I could ask the same thing to you PRONGS. Your friends have been writing to Melissa since she told them you were missing. They've been looking for you.'

His head snapped up at this.

'What? Looking for me?'

'Yes James. Looking for you. That's what friends generally do when people go missing.'

James just sighed at turned back to the bar and his drink. Jay looked between the two and muttered something about the sound and walked off towards the stage and out of sight. The girls face and posture changed immediately.

'James – why did you go? We all saw you come home with dad. We were all waiting for you at the front door. You just got out of the car and disappeared. I know dad has seen you cos he keeps telling mum he's trying to make you come home but you're refusing. Please James. Its killing the others not having you there and you obviously cant look after yourself, I mean look at you –'

The girls' voice broke as tears choked her. Her hand stretched out to him to touch his face but he flinched away. The tears got worse.

'James please, I beg you come home. He's getting worse. He follows them everywhere; they haven't left the house all summer since you left. He doesn't touch you –'

The shattering of the glasses and bottles all over the floor around then stopped her short.

'How would you know that? You're never at home, you never were. You would always bee at a friends house; you never saw what really happened behind closed doors, Lissi has seen more than you have and she's 11 years old. You would only come home when they threatened to take your dolls house away. You never cared, you would see me covered and you would believe the bollocks lies mum told you. I told you once and do you remember what you did? You laughed. You laughed hysterically in my face. Mother wouldn't save me, she encouraged it, and she participated in it. Only Lissi knows. She knows what will happen if she tells. She's been forced to watch. She tried to stop them. She couldn't.'

The girl fell to her knees, her crying almost drowning out his words, but they all heard. He still didn't look at her.

'I'm so sorry James.'

'So am I Lily.'


	13. I Won't Leave You Again

**AN: ok, I know that last chapter may have been confusing, but this chapter does help explain it a bit. But if you're still confused just tell me in a review and ill try and explain it.**

**Rubber ducky 9: best chapter? Wow, glad you think so. I don't but at least you do.**

**Semi – crazywithalittleweirdness: yeah. . . sorry bout it being confusing. It's a bit more than I thought it would be, but it is meant to be. And here's more to read!**

**Heartbreakerginny: thank you very much, glad you like it.**

**Firewalker32: again sorry about it being confusing. And bout what he said? Well. . . that would be telling!**

**Saigo no Megami: sorry its confusing and I hope it makes more sense now!**

**ShadowMoony: yeah more of that in this chap. **

**Thanks to everyone who keeps reviewing, keeps me going! Anyway enough chat, here you go.**

Chapter 13. I won't leave you again.

The group sat stunned as the girl continued to cry; her brothers back still facing her. They struggled to comprehend what James had said; 'Lily'. Surprisingly the hidden Lily recovered first.

'So he has siblings.'

The boys could only nod, still acting like a deer caught in headlights.

**(Ok from now on hidden Lily will be written **Lily **while the other will be written **Lily.)

'How did you find me?'

Their attention was brought back when James finally turned around and looked down at Lily, still on the floor. She tried to stop crying, she gulped and sniffled and bit her lip to

look up at him, his face expressionless.

'I don't really know 'gulp' one minute he was chasing me in the garden 'sniff' the next I was 'gulp' I was outside here, or at least near you.'

James looked up at the ceiling and sighed but sat down wincing as he did so. Their gaze never leaving the other. She scowled as he winced but kept her face blank. She managed

to stop crying but didn't wipe away the tears.

'Why was he chasing you?'

'I heard him talking to mum about you. Mum said shed been to that Evans girls house to put up wards and stuff cos of Voldemort. She said McGonagall had been there and that

you were head boy. She said that shed tried to change it so you weren't, but couldn't. Then he said he would do you so bad you would turn it down. I gasped as he grabbed his

wand. He was furious; the whole house was shaking under his anger. He heard me. He yelled I was gonna go first, as it was my turn. I ran and he came after me. I was by the

cottage when I just disappeared and here I am.'

She was crying again by the end, and so was James. Looking to her, then his lap and back again he surprised everyone by suddenly moving to her and hugging her to him. He

hissed in her ear as she clung to his back and cried hysterically on his shoulder. They just held each other; one wound given the balm to heal it.

Lily found herself crying and leaned into the shoulder that went around her shoulders. Feeling the arm and shoulder shake, she looked up and saw Sirius also crying. She didn't ask

why. She didn't need to; she just held him tight. Lily didn't know really why she was here. The boys had found their lost leader and now she had noting to do. They didn't need her

anymore. She coud only go back to her normal stuck up self and pretend like nothing hd happened, just like they would. She could stop these thoughts entering her head

unchecked. She didn't like knowing she could help Potter, help him heal away from his friends, she didn't like knowing she could help protect him. She didn't like how she felt lie

he had used her, to want o get close to her because eh couldn't get close to his own Lily. She tried to move away from Sirius, to start distancing herself from them, because then it

wouldn't be a shock and it wouldn't hurt so much. But he held her tight.

'Where do you think your going? Don't go.'

Fresh tears fell as she heard the helplessness in his voice. His brother was hurt and there was noting he could do about it. They could only guess what had happened, and was

happening. They saw him wince as he sat down. They saw his shoulder, she saw her memories. But their minds refused to access the answer.

Lily stopped crying but didn't let James go. He just held her.

'You have to leave. Before tonight.'

She jerked back from him and stared at him in horror.

'Why? I've left too many times before. I'm not going this time.'

James looked worriedly at her and held her shoulders.

'He's coming. Tonight. What will he do if he sees you here?'

'I don't care. I opened our bond again. I can feel your pain. I can feel your heartache. I can hear what you think. I'm your twin sister. It's about time I started acting like it. I will

not leave you!'

This time the group did gasp out loud but no one heard. The door had banged open as the girl from earlier came in. she hopped down the steps as James stood up quickly wincing

and wiping his face free of tears. The girl jumped the last few steps and bounced over to James.

'Jamie!'

The girl was being way too happy and for once it wasn't contagious. James just muttered under his breath about stupid happy people. Lily stood up glaring at the girl. Sirius

laughed silently as Remus explained James **hated** being called Jamie, it was his mother's pet name for him. Lily glared at that and Remus frowned in confusion. He was about to

ask what was wrong when the girl called to the rest of the band who had appeared on stage to sort things out, that food was here. She pulled out 6 bags of wimpys' take away

and just laughed as they ran to the smell of food. She stepped back still smiling. Glancing at James she flicked her hair behind her behind her and stretched to show off her toned

stomach. Glancing again to James she frowned in annoyance as his attention was firmly on whatever Jay was saying. The group could only laugh at the girl. The Hogwarts girls

were just as bad. But they obviously didn't now him as long as she had. A girl's chuckle moved her attention to Lily. Her frowned deepened.

'What are you laughing at you incestuous slut?'

That shut Lily up. Not for the first time did she wish the group pf girls she used to hang around with were now very much not breathing. She had told them what was happening in

her home life and they had spread it round the school. She wished she could have told her parents so they could erase their memories. She smiled faintly as another sound caught

her attention. She looked in the corners and an Idea hit her. She wasn't James Potter's twin sister for nothing.

'Sod off Electra, he's not interested.'

The girls, now named Electra, smiles slid off her face as her own plan backfired, and the very news she didn't want to hear smacked her in the face.

'What did you say?'

Her voice was almost a deadly whisper.

'I said he's – not – interested.'

'How would you know, you're never around.'

She smirked again, thinking she had hit a nerve with her old friend.

'I think I would know when my brother got a girlfriend.'

The invisibility cloak really needed a silencing charm right at that moment as they all burst out laughing at the look on Electra's face. Only Remus had seen her looked in their

direction and had a fairly good idea of who she was going to use as her brothers Imaginary girlfriend. He just hoped the girl in question didn't freak out and expose them all.

Lily Potter did smile then, but stepped back as Electra ran for her. She never reached her target. Lily opened her eyes as she had closed them instinctively. Jay was holding on to

Electra, one hand keeping her still, another over her mouth so she couldn't talk. Lily's boyfriend Daniel, a tall broad red head stood in front of her protectively. She was so glad

that James had given them his blessing. She was still a pure-blooded girl and it was still needed in modern times. The other band members stood with James in the middle notr

wanting to get in between the two girls. They always came to blows when the ey were left alone in the same room for hardly a minute.

'Lillian Evangelica Potter?'

The guys all chuckled and muttered 'Full name.' lily winced at the use of her full name. Clinging unconsciously onto the back of Daniels t-shirt she glanced round him and smiled

weakly at James.

'Yes?

'What did I say about keeping that to yourself?'

Everyone laughed as he played along with the joke. He wanted he off his back as much as everyone else.

'Sorry?'

'That's ok. You might as well tell her the rest. You know I don't like keeping secrets.'

Only a few people in the room winced or glared at him at those words, and only Electra didn't hear the almost rehearsed sounding line. Stepping away from the protection of her

boyfriend Lily prepared to start laying all the information on thick, and to act the very much happy sister.

'Oh Electra, you should so meet her, she's amazing. How James napped her I have no idea. I mean first off there's her hair. The most gorgeous colour of red I swear she was

painted. It falls in perfect curls down her back, and it frames her heart shaped face perfectly, it's so natural, I wish my hair was like that. But she's gonna help me with it and my

skin. My god I have never seen such perfect skin. Pale yes but with her hair it's perfect and she has a sprinkle of freckles covering her nose, it soo cute. Her figure is to die for.

Perfect curves that make even the girls drool. Oh and please don't get me started on her eyes. Now are they a pair of unique eyes. Almond shaped, thick long eyelashes

exaggerating them even without trying, and oh my god, the colour. The most perfect colour of emerald green, you could loose yourself in them forever. James does, you don't hear

a word out of him all day.'

She laughed and wiped tears of happiness and shear joy from her face as she described her brothers' reason for heartache. She smiled and hoped the girl had taken the hint. The

one standing in front of her sure had.

'Well then. . .what's her name them?'


	14. Not at all

Chapter 14.

_Dear diary,_

_Well I am finally home, and only 3 days left before I go back to Hogwarts. I can't wait. Although, the idea of our NEWTS being this year is making me nervous. _

_But they are nothing compared to how I feel about seeing the Marauders again, this time all together and like old times. But will it? Will they be able to act like nothing as happened this summer? Will I? Can I seriously accept the fact I was again used, just so they could find James bloody Potter?_

_But he isn't is he? He's suffering and here I am cursing him like usual. I have to stop this; it isn't fair, on him or me. I have to stop thinking about him and I just hope he leaves me alone this year, if I leave him and his friends alone. But I can't even do that, he's head boy and im head girl, so we'll have to work together. Well then it's a bit late, but I have my new year's resolution: try and try to get along with James Potter. _

_It shouldn't be that hard. I mean ive seen another side of him, a vulnerable side of him that no will get to see, or so he thinks. I have always seen the pain, it was always there I just didn't register it, or refused to. _

_This year Lily Evans is going to be the one who makes Jams Potter smile and laugh. I will be the one who makesthat micheviuous glint come abcka nd cause ahvoc on the school. They're being helpful. Everybody needs ht jokes and laughs of childhood, we need to forget about the world outside, and ill be damned if the Marauders aren't the ones to do it._

_Lily Marie Evans_

_29 August 1978_

_My room_

_9.46PM_

_And this decision was not influenced by the other night._

_Not at all._

_Just grew up that's all._

_No, not at all._

_Goodbye._

_Not at all!_

AN: sorry this is so short and crap, but its just kind of a filler chapter for the next one. Which will be going back to Hogwarts. At last. Again thank you to everyone who has reviewed so far, keep em coming, I really appreciate them.


	15. Shattered Lived

**AN: ok I am very sorry about the shortness of last chapter but I couldn't really maker it much longer and it was just a filler between chap 13 and this one. Hope this one is long enough for you. It was meant to be longer but I felt it had to be left as it was.**

**You may need to re read chapter 4! **

**Thank you to everybody who has reviewed to far. Please keep them coming, they are the only reason I keep writing this so if you want me to keep going. . .REVIEW! simple. And it makes em feel better about this story to. Thank you. i will try and make chapters longer!**

Chapter 15. Back home.

James smiled the first real smile all summer as he took in the sight of the impressive, fire engine red steam train billowing smoke over the throng of students, its whistle scaring the first years. He held the large train ticket in his hand. It was more than just another piece of parchment to him; it was his ticket for Monday 1 September 1977, to go home. And that made him very happy indeed.

He was jolted out of his musings as 3 small lumps knocked into him and a not so small lump clung to his arm. He looked to his left to see his twin sister Lily Potter staring wide eyed, mouth hanging open at Platform 9 ¾; her mouth turning up into a smile as her eyes finally rested upon the Hogwarts Express. After 6 years of being refused their parents had finally agreed to let her go to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The small lumps consisting of the 3 younger Potters were also is various stages of shock, amazement and wonder.

Melissa, the youngest of the 3, who looked at least 13 instead of her 11 years, clung to her oldest brothers waist like she had 7 years previously, but now this time she would be going with him. The elder triplets Luke and Leanne just wanted to get on the train. They had stared and they still wondered but the fear of their parents arriving suddenly was keeping them too alert for them to care about anything else. James put his arms around them all and grinned. He was going home with his family.

"Come no guys, follow me. I'll take you to the heads compartment. You can stay with me, but it will be good for you 3 to mingle with other 1st years kay?"

The girls just nodded. Luke stared up at the tall frame of the brother he had always idolised. He didn't blame him for running away over the summer. He was glad, because that meant he was safe somewhere. He would never truly know what had really happened that summer but he would forever remember being terrified when his father came through the fireplace holding the person he loved the most by the neck. Lily been screaming; his other sisters crying and begging for James to be left alone. Luke didn't move; he could only stare as James' glasses hung broken from his ears, his cloths ripped and torn, blood and cuts everywhere. A wound healing no his shoulder; his winces as he was thrown around the house to his room.

He had watched James get changed that night. He had been given the big hug and kiss he had been given before everything changed. He had begged for his usual story which he had been given before he had uttered a word. But the nightmares kept him awake. He mind kept coming up with worse and worse scenarios of where James could have gotten all those scars and bruises lettering his body. At least Harold Potter had left his youngest son along that night. James had curled up around the younger boy in his sleep to protect him. Luke had hugged him back and only then did sleep overcome him in the last few hours of darkness until he had to be up.

James levitated their trunks into the head compartment and lay down on the couch. Lily stayed standing staring in wonder around her. Melissa and Leanne sat on the floor both reading James' old Transfiguration book. Luke stood in front of James watching him as he closed his eyes rubbing his shoulder and bending his legs closer to him.

"James, could I go and have a look around and stuff?"

Lily looked to her brother and saw her younger one obviously wanting to spend some time with him and thought it would be as good a time to explore the train as ever. She bit her lip as James moved to get more comfortable but smiled as he curled up into a foetus position. He had slept like that as a kid.

"You don't have to ask me you know, but yeah go on, have fun exploring. **But **if you see the other Marauders do **not** look at them, speak to them or in any other way acknowledge them. I don't want them here, I'm not ready, it's gonna be bad enough at the prefect meeting. Ok?"

Lily just nodded and smiled weakly, "Kay" and closed the door behind her. Facing the corridor she saw it go all the way down the train through the carriages, the compartments to her right. To her left was a door saying 'Driver, NO STUDENT EXCEPT HEADS' seeing the train hadn't moved yet she moved cautiously down the train, every now and then looking into other compartment and wishing her life was as simple as comparing new hair styles, or ogling over the latest Witch Weekly with her best mates, or even having debated arguments over which celebrities were better looking, magical or muggle. Even her sister could have that argument. She watched fascinated as boys flirted with their crushes, and giggled as one brown haired boy asked out a small rd head girl and got a slap for it. She could help it, full blown laughter escaped her as she continued down the train. The scene was very much like how she imagined James to ask out the other Lily, as she had come to call her. She was still laughing when she looked into one compartment and wished she hadn't. 3 boys sat still. None caring that they were by far the loudest, but that was with the last member of their group and he wasn't there. They didn't notice her standing there as her smile and laugh died inside. Her eyes watered as she saw how the absence of her brother was deeply affecting them. She shook her head and carried on trying to blend in to the shadows.

James finally noticed someone's gaze on him and looked up startled into the hazel eyes of his younger brother. James sat up looking worried as Luke continued to stare. He knew that Luke only did this when he was totally focused in his mind on something important, but that didn't make it any less scary having a small child acting like a heated statue. James leant forwards and grabbed hold if Luke's hands and held them tight as he jumped.

"Hey it's me. It's just me. You ok?"

Luke looked down into eyes exactly like his own and his fathers. But unlike his fathers the ones he was looking into held warmth, love and worry at his silence. He tightened his own hold on the larger, safer hands holding his. He looked at his feet and mumbled.

"Can I sit on your lap?"

He didn't want to sound childish, but he was craving that safety his brothers arms provided. He was startled though when James let go but calmed down as he felt himself being picked up and put down gently on James' legs. He snuggled into his arms and his head just fit into the crock of his neck.

"James?"

"What is it little guy?"

Luke giggled at the old nickname and snuggled further into the safety net surrounding him.

"Can I ask you something? Will you get mad?"

James chuckled above him.

"Of course you can squirt. You know you can ask me anything."

Luke bit his lip and blurted it out before he lost his nerve.

"Where did you get all those scars?"

He stayed still so he couldn't see James' face. He didn't see the pain that flittered across it. Even if he had he would have misinterpreted it. It was the pain of having someone so innocent **needing **to know something that would scare them for life. Even the girls were listening. Tears had already fallen down Melissa's face. Her grey eyes holding the secret about to be revealed. Leanne was just confused.

James breathed deeply, shaking slightly. How could he destroy their lived with only a few words? He wasn't given time to think, Melissa beat him to it. She stood up tall with her head held high. 3 pairs of eyes were upon her as she looked Luke in the eye tears still falling.

"Harold Potter gave them to him. Lucy Potter gave mental and scars only James can feel."

Her knees gave way as the memories of past summers flashed before her:

_The dungeon. Cold. Damp. Not what you would find in a warm cosy manor belonging to the Potters. The only light being the candle beside her. She could still see the bed in the shadows, the figure tied to it not moving. Quill and parchment just beyond his reach. Parchment splattered with red._

'**AND POTTER SCORES. . .'**

'**USELESS FREEK OF ABNORMAL NATURE. . .'**

_The older man panted above the figure._

_He cried in release. _

_She screamed through tears. _

_The man through a curse her way. _

_It didn't hurt; his pleasure was too much again and again. _

_The figure cried as she cried fro him._

_All froze at the steady sound of footsteps echoing of the walls outside._

_Another groan and sigh as the elder finished._

_He left as a woman entered._

_The girl was thrown outside and could only listen;_

_As all was repeated._


	16. Singing Prankster

**AN: I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sorry ive taken so long with this chapter, but everything has been really manic since Christmas and this year has passed like a blur. I no that's not much of an excuse so again I am very sorry but I will try and update quicker now.**

**Thank you again to everyone who has reviewed so far, keep them coming!**

**Thanx**

Chapter 16.

Lily Evans stood watching the few younger children running wild over the platform, parents hugging and crying over their offspring, the fear of Voldemort and the Death Eaters etched into the lines on their heads. There were too few children being sent back to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, even though it was the safest place to be in these troubled times, but no one really seemed to understand that, well their natural parental protectiveness was overtaking reason. No one could blame them.

A group of black haired people caught her attention out of the corner of her eye, and looking over she recognized the back of James Potters head any day. She was actually quite surprised he had come back, but then she saw the 4 other heads below him, the boy looked like a carbon copy of him from behind, but at 11. She looked to one of the smaller girls and gasped as she recognized one of them as the girl she had seen 7 years earlier. This year was going to be interesting.

Staring around at the other students actually coming back this year, she saw the Marauders come through the barrier, all looking glum and obviously not wanting to be there. Sirius spotted her and instead of walking away like she had thought he would, he walked straight up to her and gave her a hug in front of everybody on the platform.

"Thank you, for everything you did this summer. You didn't have to but you did so thanks."

He may have whispered in her ear but she new he was being sincere. She hugged him back.

"Your welcome."

He pulled away and then smiled. Remus came up behind him; Peter had gone to find them a compartment. He smiled and gave her a hug as well.

'Hey Lily, have you seen James yet?"

She bit her lip looking between them and thinking hard whether to tell them she had, but she remembered that he had run away not just from his family, but them as well; so would he be ready to see them just yet? She didn't want to risk it.

"No, I've been here ages and I haven't seen him come through, or the 'other Lily', sorry guys.'

Sirius looked if possible even glummer. He smiled weakly at her and just nodded his head before walking away to find Peter. Remus' gaze followed them until they disappeared onto the train. Then he turned to looked straight at her.

"Remember Lily that James is Head Boy this year. When you see him please I beg you don't tell him about this summer, let us do that. Try and act normal around him, please Lily."

She could only nod to him before he to walked away. Lily sighed and took one more look around the platform. Taking a deep breath she walked slowly towards the end of the train where she knew the Heads carriage was. Levitating her trunk onto the train she saw a black haired girl looking around in awe going back down the train, and recognised her as the 'other Lily'. Gulping, knowing James would be in the compartment already, she stopped and just stared at the door debating to go in now or wait a bit.

Would he be glad to see her like he always was? Would he crack a joke and try and flirt with her like he always did? Was he going to hex Snape just for existing again as usual? She highly doubted it.

Squealing as the whistle went off signalling for the train to leave, she slammed the door and almost ran to the Heads compartment wanting to get in before she lost her nerve. Stalking in, she stopped dead in her tracks staring.

James Potter was sitting fast asleep on the couch, his clone curled up in his arms, tears still fresh on his cheeks. Both boys dead to the world as the train sped up round the corners out of King's Cross. Turning, wide eyed, around the compartment, her eyes fell on 2 small girls, both with the trademark Potter raven black hair, but unlike the boys, both girls had grey eyes, much like the Blacks, although theirs held pain, fear and love. As she stood still in the doorway the two girls moved closer together and stared back at her, their eyes wide. Lily made the first move.

"Urm, hi. I'm Lily Evans. Who are you?"

The girls jumped as she spoke and glanced at each other fearfully. The smaller girl, still clinging to the slightly taller one moved over to the couch and tried to shake her oldest brother awake.

"Wait! You don't need to wake him up, ill just go to the corner ok?"

The girl looked from James to her to the other girl and they both nodded. Lily dragged her trunk closing the door behind her, to the corner with a window seat and a small table surrounded by books. Settling down to read Hogwarts a History once again, the taller girl came over to her suddenly startling Lily. She looked nervous as she wrung her hands in front of her, nervously jumping from one foot to the other, biting her lower lip.

"Hi, James spoke about you lots at home. I'm Melissa, the girl over there is Leanne, and Luke is asleep on James' lap. There's another Lily, who is your age, she's around somewhere. Just thought you should know."

Lily smiled warmly at Melissa and just nodded in response. After becoming bored with reading about the constantly changing staircases, she glanced up to the sounds of muggle music playing. The lyrics soon started in the background, a familiar voice filled the compartment.

'_I walk a lonely road_

_The only one that I have ever known_

_Don't know where it goes_

_But it's home to me and I walk alone_

_I walk this empty street_

_On the boulevard of broken dreams_

_Where the city sleeps_

_And I'm the only one and I walk alone_

_I walk alone_

_I walk alone_

_I walk alone_

_I walk a. . ._

_My shadow's the only thing that walks beside me_

_My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating_

_Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me_

'_Till then I walk alone.'_

Lily sat frozen listening to the words, even though she had heard him sing them before, this time she actually listened to what he was singing and it tore at her heart. Without her realising tears were once again falling down her face. Quickly wiping them away before either of the girls could see her, she leaned back in the chair and carried on listening to the rest of the songs.

'_Ain't it fun when your always on the run_

_Ain't it fun when you get so high, well that you, you just can't come._

_Ain't it fun when you know your gonna die young_

_Ain't it fun when you take care of number one_

_Ain't it fun when you feel like you just gotta get a gun'_

'_The sirens are screaming and the fires are howling  
Way down in the valley tonight  
There's a man in the shadows with a gun in his eye  
And a blade shining oh so bright  
There's evil in the air and there's thunder in the sky  
And a killer's on the bloodshot streets  
And down in the tunnel where the deadly are rising  
Oh I swear I saw a young boy  
Down in the gutter  
He was starting to foam in the heat  
Oh baby you're the only thing in this whole world  
That's pure and good and right  
And wherever you are and wherever you go  
There's always gonna be some light  
But I gotta get out  
I gotta break it out now  
Before the final crack of dawn  
So we gotta make the most of our one night together  
When it's over you know  
We'll both be so alone _

Like a bat out of hell  
I'll be gone when the morning comes  
When the night is over  
Like a bat out of hell I'll be gone gone gone  
Like a bat out of hell I'll be gone when the morning comes  
When the day is done  
And the sun goes down  
And the moonlight's shining through  
Then like a sinner before the gates of heaven  
I'll come crawling on back to you

I'm gonna hit the highway like a battering ram  
On a silver black phantom bike  
When the metal is hot and the engine is hungry  
And we're all about to see the light  
Nothing ever grows in this rotten old hole  
And everything is stunted and lost  
And nothing really rocks  
And nothing really rolls  
And nothing's ever worth the cost  
And I know that I'm damned if I never get out  
And maybe I'm damned if I do  
But with any other beat I got left in my heart  
You know I'd rather be damned with you  
If I gotta be damned you know I wanna be damned  
Dancing through the night with you  
If I gotta be damned you know I wanna be damned  
Gotta be damned you know I wanna be damned  
If gotta be damned you know I wanna be damned  
Dancing through the night  
Dancing through the night  
Dancing through the night with you

Oh baby you're the only thing in this whole world  
That's pure and good and right  
And wherever you are and wherever you go  
There's always gonna be some light  
But I gotta get out  
I gotta break it out now  
Before the final crack of dawn  
So we gotta make the most of our one night together  
When it's over you know  
We'll both be so alone

Like a bat out of hell  
I'll be gone when the morning comes  
When the night is over  
Like a bat out of hell I'll be gone  
Like a bat out of hell I'll be gone when the morning comes  
But when the day is done  
And the sun goes down  
And the moonlight's shining through  
Then like a sinner before the gates of heaven  
I'll come crawling on back to you  
Then like a sinner before the gates of heaven  
I'll come crawling on back to you

I can see myself  
Tearing up the road  
Faster than any other boy has ever gone  
And my skin is rough but my soul is ripe  
And no one's gonna stop me now  
I gotta make my escape  
But I can't stop thinking of you  
And I never see the sudden curve until it's way too late  
I never see the sudden curve until it's way too late

Then I'm dying on the bottom of a pit in the blazing sun  
Torn and twisted at the foot of a burning bike  
And I think somebody somewhere must be tolling a bell  
And the last thing I see is my heart  
Still beating  
Breaking out of my body  
And flying away  
Like a bat out of hell

Then I'm dying at the bottom of a pit in the blazing sun  
Torn and twisted at the foot of a burning bike  
And I think somebody somewhere must be tolling a bell  
And the last thing I see is my heart  
Still beating  
Still beating  
Breaking out of my body and flying away  
Like a bat out of hell  
Like a bat out of hell  
Like a bat out of hell  
Like a bat out of hell  
Like a bat out of hell  
Like a bat out of hell'

Crying again, Lily screamed in shock as another girl came through the door and James leant over the couch still singing the last note.


	17. Ice breaker

**AN: ok I am soooooooooooooooooooo sorry for not updating for ages, ive just had major writers block, I knew what I wanted to write, but it just want coming out. So again I am soooooooo sorry**

**But thank you soo much to everyone who has reviewed, it has helped, and here is chapter 17 at last. I will try and get the next few chapters up as soon as possible.**

**Again, thank you to everyone, keep them coming.**

**I blameteraspawn.**

* * *

Chapter 17. Ice breaker.

_(James' thoughts.)_

'_Well isn't this a surprise. But what – why – huh? Why the hell is she crying? Oh come on Evans, why on gods earth are **you **of all people crying? I'm not that bad at singing; and Evans what on earth are you wearing? Ok now I'm confused, Lily Evans is crying hysterically in front of me, wearing, well. . . not very much. God Jesus where the hell did she get those pair of legs? And that stomach, and --! Ok STOP! Don't stare, you know how much she hates you staring at her, makes her paranoid. Ok so what do I do? Shall I go over to her, ask if she's ok? No, that stupid, its obvious she's not, people don't just cry for the sheer hell of it. . . well that's not quite true, Narcissa does, but that's beside the point. Oh hang on who's coming in? Ah that's ok, it's only Lily. Huh? Lily? Hu-oh. No Lily, don't go over to her, no --. Urgh, fine go over to her. Huh? How is it that girls are the only ones to make other girls stop crying? Don't think about that, hurts too much, girls and their complications. Oh great, charming, she gets on better with my sister in 5 minuets than she does me in 6 years! Wonderful. Now shall this is be a good time to actually get the trips to find their own way? Urm. . .yeah, right, ok, stop thinking and lets get on with this and hope to god I don't get shouted at.'_

James stood up unnoticed by the two Lily's, as he ushered his younger siblings out with their trunks into the throng of the rest of the train. None where happy but Luke took charge and with instructions of not speak to the Marauders at all costs; they walked away on the path to their own futures.

Closing the door, James turned around slowly as the silence of the compartment reached his ears. Both girls were staring at him, waiting for him to speak.

" Urm, right. Hi Evans. Congratulations on getting head girl, though it was rather obvious you would get it."

Well he thought that was ok, and so did she apparently if the small smile was to go by.

"Right, well I'll get going then. I'll go and look after the trips, to keep them under some sort of control. See you later."

Lily hugged her brother and nodded to the other Lily and left quickly. An awkward silence filled the compartment. Lily spoke first. Standing up and pulling her short skirt down; she looked up at him, her face a muddle of emotions he couldn't pin down.

"Right, well as we're going to be heads this year, don't you think it's time for us to stop all these childish fights we get into? We have to set an example to the younger students and we can't do that while firing hexes at each other can we?"

James could only nod in response, and smiled slightly. Even in casual cloths, Lily Evans was still stuck up, and right proper upper class girl. He was glad some things hadn't changed.

"I agree. And I apologise now if I break that, I will try not to though. But I don't think ill be able to stop flirting with you Miss Evans."

He finished with the lop sided smile that made all the girls go weak at the knees, and for the first time it worked on the fiery hot tempered girl.

Smiling back at him, she put her hands on her hips and tried to glare at him.

"Well we'll have to see about that then won't we Mr. Potter?"

And with that, the ice had been firmly broken, and they laughed and enjoyed each others company the rest of the journey.

* * *

**Ok ok I know it's very short but I just wanted James and Lily to meet, leave a review if u want me to improve on it or make it longer, or whatever you think I could do. Next chapter, James meets the Marauders again.**

**Iblameteraspawn.**


	18. Returning Home

**AN:ok i know i havent updated in ages, sorry blushes **

**thanks to everyone whu has been reviewing and a special thanks to ** Kira Temeki **for promting me to update. so thank you.**

**now im back into writing, i should be updating more regulary, but in the meantime, keep reviewing. **

**iblameteraspawn

* * *

**Chapter 18. Returning Home.

Sirius hadn't moved the 4 hours out of King's Cross, he just sat, back straight, his hands clenched in his lap. The lanky frame the girls swooned over was stiff with grief and worry. Nothing showed on his face, the grey eyes of the Blacks kept the secrets he hid well.

Remus himself sat staring at the book on his lap, re-reading the same line for the 20th time and once again not taking in a word. Not even _Hogwarts A History _could interest him at the moment. Sighing, he closed the battered book and looked to the dark haired boy, wishing there was something he could do. Trying to plan a prank without the other dark haired prankster was like trying to listen to Metallica with no sound. It was pointless.

Looking at the third occupant of the silent compartment, he wasn't surprised to find Peter asleep, not seemingly bothered by James' absence. He just didn't say it. He lived that way. Thinking about it, Peter hadn't been that worried all summer. Remus scowled in confusion but tiredness from the full moon the night before ceased all thoughts as his body slumped in its seat and slept. None noticed the Potter who walked past them.

* * *

Sara Connor, a fellow 7th year Gryffindor prefect, sat in the prefects meeting in shock, her green eyes wide not blinking, just staring at the people at the front. As where the rest of the school prefects. The arguments between Potter and her best friend where legendary. Everyone knew of them both and their history. Well no one knew what started it, but everyone knew of Lily's hatred of Potter and what she thought of him, and that he was completely head over heels for the red head, but made a complete ass out of himself whenever she was around.

But instead of glaring at him, ignoring him and/or threatening to hex him into a thousand small pieces; she was smiling slightly at his back as he gave the usual instructions to the prefects after Lily had done the main overview of the year ahead.

"……so could the 5th years make sure they made the usual rounds during the remainder of the journey. That's it for now; see you all at the first meeting on Friday at 6.00. Don't forget. Remember if you have any trouble just come to us or an older prefect if you're unsure about anything."

Sara was still sat there 10 minutes after they had abruptly left to go back to the heads compartment. She could only gurgle when Emily came to find her when she didn't return.

* * *

As the train slowed down, the noise level rose as excited students clambered out of the train onto the cold platform, trying to find separated friends; instruct younger siblings to Hagrid, calling the first years, or the second years into the carriages. The noise woke Peter with a start, his watery eyes darting around in confusion, and then jumped when Sirius moved. Holding a hand over his heart, Peter stared at him, trying to find any connection between the body in front of him and the mind inhabiting it. Without saying a word Sirius stood up and pulled on his robes over the uniform he already had on. Turning around, his gaze fell on a still sleeping Remus. The light came back, however dim it was.

"Find his robes Wormtail."

Hearing the hoarse voice was a blessing he wasn't going to ignore, so rummaging in Remus' trunk, Sirius tried to wake the knackered wolf.

"Hey Moony, Moony, time to wake up. We're home."

Poking and shaking his friend, Remus opened one eye and glared. Sirius smiled and tried to look innocent.

"What? We're home."

Still smiling, he stood up and helped Remus to his feet and laughed as he struggled with his robes in his tired state. Remus couldn't glare for long at hearing the dog laughing again. Yawning the 3 boys made their way to the carriages all looking forward to being back at home, back to normality, back with James.

* * *

The good mood was soon squashed at seeing their leader, friend, brother, sitting at the Gryffindor table next to the Head Girl and smiling at whatever she was saying. The only people sitting near them were Sara and Emily, both still in shock and silent, as were most of the Great Hall.

With as much dignity as they could master, the 3 Marauders made their way to the Heads and sat down opposite Evans and her friends. Sirius, who had sat opposite the Head Girl, turned to look at his 'brother' and smiled.

"Hello Prongs."


	19. Trust and Revelations

Chapter 19. Welcome Home.

James sat back straight, his hands lay still on his knees, his legs crossed. He stared at the red door opposite the large four poster bed of the Head Boy's room. His robe lay in a heap on the floor; his shirt jumper and tie had disappeared in his rant of ripping them off his body. The battered trunk lay unopened at the end of the bed and Jade his barn owl hooted softly from the open window filling the room with the chilly air from the September night.

The feast hadn't started smoothly. Sirius had been furious with him. He hadn't shown it, but James knew him well enough to know the stiffness of his back, the set in his shoulders, and the fact he sat as far away from him as possible made it perfectly clear. Peter had scurried over to James to get away from a very pissed off Sirius, while Remus had only sighed and sent a shrug and a warm smile James' way, but followed Sirius. James had been distraught. He knew he deserved some of this treatment from his friends, he had ignored them all summer, but it still hurt. Lily could only lay a comforting hand on his arm as silence fell at the Marauders split. Muttering sprang up around the hall and even the teachers were sending worried and confused looks and even startled looks along the table.

In fear of crying James just sat and stared blankly at his empty plate, he didn't notice Lily come in just before the first years following Professor McGonagall. Sitting opposite Lily, she sent questioning looks, but both her and Peter just shook their heads.

''Potter, Leanne!''

James' head shot up as the first of the triplets walked up to the stool. Leanne sat down nervously looking at no one. The hat fell over her ears and almost came to her chin.

''GRYFFINDOR!''

''GRYFFINDOR!''

''GRYFFINDOR!''

Only when they had all sat down opposite James, their grins splitting their faces; did James let out the breath he hadn't realised he had been holding. Then he too smiled and finally realised his twin was there. Frowning on confusion, he leant over the table to poke her as she stared transfixed on the sorting. Started, she turned round in surprise.

''Huh?''

''When did you get here? I didn't see you get sorted!''

He sounded hurt by his last comment, but she quickly explained.

''Oh, Professor McGonagall took me to her office from the boats so I didn't have to be sorted with the first years!''

James raised an eyebrow and shrugged, letting her carry on watching the sorting. The trips as they had always been known by him were whispering amongst themselves, staring and pointing around the hall and at the ceiling. James could only smile at their astonished faces as the clouds swirled around in time with the howling outside. He could remember clearly his own amazement at seeing it for the first time 7 years ago, a sense of wonder at how it worked, apprehension of the world he was now in, and freedom. They were now free.

James rarely spoke during dinner, but just observed his siblings and was observed by his friends. He laughed along with the others at the faces of his family as lily told them stories of his days at Hogwarts. He added comments in their defence every now and then, but Peter would tell the true story and had everyone's rapt attention. Sirius meanwhile sent down death glares despite the nudges and glares of his own from Remus.

Feeling stuffed and satisfied, the small group leant on each other sleepily during Dumbledore's speech, and finally made their way to Gryffindor tower, still telling stories along the way. The Fat Lady welcomed them all and ran out of her portrait dramatically at the sight of 4 more Potter's all grinning the same grin!

Lily disappeared into the Common room with Sarah and Emily as James was left to bade his siblings goodnight and give them directions.

''Right, Lil's you and the girls just follow Emily and Sarah and they'll show you which dorm is yours ok? Luke, follow Peter, he'll do the same and also his so for now, you can go there until they can come get me if you need me ok?

They all just smiled at him and climbed through the portrait hole grinning behind Peter, as Lily came back through blushing but smiling. James raised an eyebrow as her blush deepened, and raised the other one as she walked off her head bowed. He shook his head and laughing at her, ran to catch up round the corner. It wasn't until they were on the 5th floor corridor near the Heads Room that the comfortable silence was frozen solid. Sirius stood in the middle of the corridor, his arms crossed glaring hard at James. Remus stood against the wall banging his head muttering furiously. James started backwards to avoid a confrontation, knowing it was highly likely at this moment in time.

''If Remus could trust us, why couldn't you?''

Then he just stalked off, leaving James stock still. Remus stopped muttering and banging his head to turn and look at James.

''Remus…''

James stopped as Remus held up a hand and walked over to him. Deliberately lightly placing his hand on James' injured shoulder, he smiled slightly at him.

''I know what its like to keep secrets. I know what it can do. I know how hard it is to lie to friends. But I also know what its like to have friends who care. I know what its like to have friends who want to help. I don't blame you Prongs. Not at all.''

Tapping him on the shoulder once more, Remus too turned leaving them both to their thoughts. Silence fell as they walked the last bit to the Heads Room. They were brought out of their musings by the occupants of the portrait to the entrance to the Heads room childishly cursing each other.

The medieval boy and girl stood in a field dressed in bright silks and curls in their hair. The boy seemed overjoyed with his attire. The girl looked at them and scoffed.

''Oh God, thy Devil dare bring his servants to dare challenge us!''

The boy just rolled his eyes and kicked her in the shin. Lily and James raised an eyebrow at each other and tried to smother a laugh. As the girl tried to hop around the canvas with some dignity, the boy asked for the password. Looking stumped, the heads um'ed and ah'd until lily came up with the perfect password. Smiling smugly she stood up straight and looking the boy in the eye she said with a straight face

''Snivvy Tu-tu''

The boy just stared at her blinking and even the girl stopped hopping around cursing to stare at Lily, her eyes wide and her mouth forming an 'O'.

''What the Holy God –''

Before she could finish the boy opened the portrait to let them in, and they could still hear her going on inside. James fell on the sofa in silent hysterics clutching his side. Lily was glad to see something was making him laugh even if he was clutching his side in pain. Finally he stopped and gasping for breath he tried to stop his face from screwing up in pain. Running up to her room, she found a medical kit in her trunk which she had brought from Diagon Alley after the gig and seeing the state James was in. Back in the small common room, she found him sitting up coughing, still holding onto his side. Fumbling through the kit she gave him a small phial of pain killer which worked within seconds. He was soon able to breathe without feeling his broken ribs every time. Forcing him to lye back down on the couch, lily sat on the edge looking down at him as he looked up at her in confusion, gratitude, apprehension, fear? Not being able to look into his eyes, she looked down at her hands.

''You should take off your jumper and shirt, I can take a look at your shoulder.''

Without realising what had happened, Lily found herself on the floor and could see James disappearing up the stairs. She heard him slam his door and all was quiet. Shaking slightly, she stood up and packed up the kit and slowly went back to her own room and left in on the desk under the large window. Looking out onto the familiar dark grounds, Lily remembered her first night at Hogwarts. Another boy who she couldn't remember, his family had been one of the first of Voldemorts casualties, had helped her out of the lake and had wrapped her up in his cloak, he had looked after her, even though he had been sorted into Slytherin. He was dead by Christmas. His family had refused to join the Dark Lord. You didn't refuse him if you wanted to live.

Turning away from the window Lily stared at the door separating her from James. Squashing her fear, she marched across her room and stormed into his. The door hit the wall with such force the wall cracked. James continued to stare into nothing.

''Why are you even talking to me Lily Evans? You can't go from hating someone beyond reason to acting like my best friend in only a few weeks! That. DOES. NOT. HAPPEN!''

Lily could only stare in shock and horror. He had NEVER raised his voice against her. In is challenging of her actions, she fell to her knees. Staring at the creamy skin she blurted out everything she had done that summer, all her emotions when she had seen him on stage, of the pain the Marauders had been going through, her dream.

''…I have one last chance to make things right, to grow up. I've been given a chance to be part of a world that is falling apart. I want to fight, I want to save it! But I can't do that if I can't stop fighting my own childish fears. I want to make it up to you.''

He didn't give any response but a tear fell down his cheek. Lily rose and walked towards the bed. Leaning in she wiped the tear away gently, and without thinking leant to kiss his shoulder. Without a word she left the room closing the door lightly behind her. He still stared.


	20. AUTHORS NOTE VERY IMPORTANT

I know im not meant to have a chapter as an authors note, but this is important. I am SO sorry for not updating over the last few months, but my own life hasnt exactly the best and there was no way i could have carried on writing this particular story. So instead i have decided i am no longer going to finish this, but i am glady offering any one else who wants to, to finish it with thier own ideas, as ill have no control over what you do with this. although i would ask that if you are interested in carrying this on, that you do not change what is already written, due to those who have enjoyed the story so far. please send a message if you are interested, and i will update here so those of you who are liking this story can carry on reading it.

again i give my server apologies for not updating and only saying this after such a long wait, but i do want to thank ALL those people who read this and reviewed, it did help me greatly.

thanks you and sorry once again.

bad-wolf-bay

xxx


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